Time For Drinking

The other day I went to my local Walmart to buy an American flag Snuggie for my dog. Instead of the usual “Welcome to Walmart” or “Thanks for supporting cheap foreign labor” that usually marks my arrival , I was “greeted” with anti-religious hatred. That’s right, the door person had the nerve to wish me “Happy Holidays”. As if there were more than one holiday at this time of year!

Well, unlike the fellow at the big store, I am not some kind of politically correct robot, afraid to offend the THOUGHT POLICE who wish to stamp out the real Reason For The Season. I stand here (because I stand when I type) with my head held high, unashamed of my beliefs. After all, isn’t that was this country was founded on? The freedom for me to worship in any way I chose, and for you to also worship in any way I chose?

Well, I for one am fed up with the way my religion is being disrespected, and I refuse to stand idly by while the TRUE meaning of this time of year is washed away by the likes of “Satan Claus” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Heretic”!

If 9/11 has taught me anything, it’s that our freedom depends on our freedom to stand up for freedom. And also, Git-R-Done.  But more importantly, we need to fight for what we believe in, even if it’s wrong.

Which is why I proudly, and without hesitation,  wish you all a HAPPY LIFE DAY!

Today’s Advent Calender of Doom selection is the Star Wars Christmas Album. Not to be confused with the Star Wars Holiday Special, this LP was an even more cut-rate attempt to cash in on the Star Wars craze. Favorite moment: R5-D4 making out with Chewbacca under the mistletoe. God I wish I was making that up.

The album is mercifully out of print, but you can download the whole wretched thing here.

Merry Christmas, from Mickey Rooney! (From “Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 5“).

Looking for a terrible Christmas gift for someone you hate this year? Then look no further than the Senior Center / Death Panel playset from Playmobil.

Are there actually children out there who like to pretend to take care of the elderly? If my parents got this for me when I was a kid, I would have never forgiven them.

(Although, I have to admit, they would have made great human shields for my G.I. Joes.)

Yes folks, America’s sweetheart Mickey Rooney lends his talents as the voice of Santa Claus in the Rankin and Bass classic “The Year Without a Santa Claus”. Ol’ Mick can do it all: sing, dance . . . and grunt like a drunken goat! Check out the petrified reindeer at the end . . . they know what’s coming!

Back in 2000 (!), I put together this mash-up, featuring samples from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. Ironically, it features clips from two of the scenes that ABC cut from last night’s broadcast. See if you can guess which ones.

Download “Fair Share Remix” by DJ Schroeder here:

“Fair Share Remix” by DJ Schroader

(Right click / ctrl click to “save as”)

On Dec 8th, ABC aired “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. Apparently, in order to make more room for commercials, they cut several scenes, including this classic bit . . . ironically about the commercialization of Christmas! Sigh.

Now, I don’t want anyone to get the idea I hate commercials. One of the reasons I still watch Charlie Brown every year on TV instead of just forking out the ten bucks for a DVD is the nostalgia attached to watching broadcast TV, Dolly Madison commercials and all.

What bothers me is a network butchering an artist’s work simply to squeeze in one extra toy ad.
We’re already “paying” for the show by watching these commercials, the least they could do is let us watch the whole show.

Of course, there’s another, more sinister reason why ABC might have cut the scenes last night. Perhaps Charlie Brown’s anti-consumerism message rubbed their advertisers the wrong way. After all, who’s going to go on a shopping binge at Target after seeing Sally’s innocence washed away by Christmas greed (see video)?

Frankly, I don’t even care what the reason is. I just want to see the show the way Charles Schulz intended it–they way I’ve seen it every year. All I want is my fair share.

You can contact ABC here:

ABC, Inc.
500 S Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521-4551
or call: 810-460-7477

December means one thing around here: terrible, terrible Christmas albums.

The first in this year’s Advent Calendar of Doom is the mind-numbing Pac-Man Christmas. May God have mercy on your soul. (Found via A Christmas Yule Blog)

(Adult-type language / probably NSFW)