My Letter to Santa, 1985

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• The War on Life Day

  The other day I went to my local Walmart to buy an American flag Snuggie for my dog. Instead of the usual “Welcome to Walmart” or “Thanks for supporting cheap foreign labor” that usually marks my arrival , I was “greeted” with anti-religious hatred. That’s right, the door person had the nerve to wish me [...]

• Christmas in the Stars

  Today’s Advent Calender of Doom selection is the Star Wars Christmas Album. Not to be confused with the Star Wars Holiday Special, this LP was an even more cut-rate attempt to cash in on the Star Wars craze. Favorite moment: R5-D4 making out with Chewbacca under the mistletoe. God I wish I was [...]

• The War on Mickey Rooney continues

  Merry Christmas, from Mickey Rooney! (From “Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 5“).

• Hate children? Get them this.

  Looking for a terrible Christmas gift for someone you hate this year? Then look no further than the Senior Center / Death Panel playset from Playmobil.
  Are there actually children out there who like to pretend to take care of the elderly? If my parents got this for me when I was a kid, I would [...]

• The Genius of Mickey Rooney

  Yes folks, America’s sweetheart Mickey Rooney lends his talents as the voice of Santa Claus in the Rankin and Bass classic “The Year Without a Santa Claus”. Ol’ Mick can do it all: sing, dance . . . and grunt like a drunken goat! Check out the petrified reindeer at the end . . . [...]